A Better Version of Me
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
De Gouden Stud
Jessica recently posted about her lust for a sexy Ukrainian soccer player. I saw his picture and, I'll have to admit, he is quite studly. Too bad he's not Belgian. He'd have an excellent chance at becoming the next "Golden Stud" as the sexiest soccer player in Belgium. Although, I don't think Bjorn de Wilde would go down without a fight.

P.S. Ladies, what look is sexier: the underwear or the sock?

Who's That Casting Devious Stares in my Direction?
I enjoy a good devious stare, whether given or received. I've never been one to talk anybody's ear off. Nope. Body language is my forte.

Monday, May 30, 2005
Five Not-So-Manly Traits of Mine
5. I have no use for golf.
4. I'd rather treat a woman as a friend than an object.
3. I'm not uber-competitive; I just like to have fun.
2. I can't barbecue worth a damn.
1. I've been known to rock out to some Kelly Clarkson on occasion.

Don't Forget to Remember and Thank Those Who Fought and Died for Our Country Today
While you're enjoying this wonderful Memorial Day, please don't forget to stop and take a moment to thank those for whom this day was set aside.

Saturday, May 28, 2005
Down Wit' O.P.B.
I've added a couple long-overdue links to Other People's Blogs on my blogroll. Go check out Petitedov and Ivan; you won't be disappointed!

Friday, May 27, 2005
Beihl and Hedman continue to win fans in the UK with "Wouldn't Change A Thing." Maybe we should just move to London. Bree could work at the P&G soap plant there and become a rockstar at the same time!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Mr. Brightside

(Please sing the following lyrics to the tune of The Killers famous song)

Luke Skywalker’s my name
And my sister is so fine
Gotta harness the force
So the Jedi won’t fall
It started out with a kiss
How’d my dad end up like this?
Now my dad is a sith
Now my dad is a sith

The Empire is bad
Obi-Wan fought my dad
Darth was burnt to a crisp
But now he’s got a mask

Sidius’s in his head
And my mother got sick
She birthed me in the bed
But she is in heaven now

Yoda, hid'n now he is
Where'd he go?
And Chewbacca is
A big Wookie
He plays a small role

The Darkside
Made Annakin kill Padme
Put the Death Star in the sky
Made the Jedi wonder why
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Dad may have joined the Darkside
But I’m Mr. Brightside!



Tuesday, May 24, 2005
You down with O.P.P? (Yeah you know me!)

I've taken full advantage of my free trial to Napster and downloaded tons of good music from the nineties. I'm lovin' this cable internet. It blows the socks off of the dialup I had previously!

Can I kick it? (Yes you can.)

Ah, Naughty By Nature, A Tribe Called Quest, Public Enemy, etc., I love you guys. Kurtis Blow is right, without the old school rap, the new rap wouldn't have anything to sample and would be non-existent.

Duece - Duece
Well, my tennis record is back to .500. I had to change up my style a little last night. Bree's baseline game has become too good. She can return everything when given the chance! So, midgame I switched to a serve and volley technique. That worked much better. Lobbing the ball over a 6'4" guy proved to be a much tougher task than smashing baseline winners. We'll see how long she takes to adjust to this new strategy. Meanwhile, I need to become much more consistent with my serve. I couldn't get any hard serves over the net lastnight. I had to revert to slow stuff with a little english on it. Argh! Maybe I should get some formal training in this sport and figure out what the heck is wrong with my technique.

Friday, May 20, 2005
Two Simple Rules to Live By
1. You reap what you sow.
2. You trim what you mow.

Seriously, what's the purpose of mowing your grass if you're not going to apply the finishing touches? It's like walking all the way to the bathroom and then pissing on the floor. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005
So, I succumbed to watching the premiere of Britney Spears' new show on the WB lastnight. Not impressed. I preferred the Nick & Jessica version of reality T.V. Britney has become nothing but a slut-faced hobag, in my humble opinion.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Yip Yip Yip Yip, Uhhhh Huh, Uhhhh Huh

The yip-yips have to be my favorite Sesame Street characters of all time. Oscar and Snuffleupagus are up there, too, but I really love the yip-yips.

Monday, May 16, 2005
Take That, World
So what if foreign investors continue to buy up American businesses? Malcolm Glazer, an American, just took over Manchester freakin' United! Wassup now?!

To Pick, or Not To Pick?
I'll be the first to acknowledge that I battled a small case of rhinotillexomania growing up. Good thing I wasn't Jewish, because I would've had some serious trouble going a whole day withough picking my nose! Is the art of nose picking still illegal on the Jewish Sabbath? I see that at least one Rabbi said it might be okay a few years ago. Just curious.

Sunday, May 15, 2005
Return of the Boom Bap
Jason: 1-0
Bree: 0-1

Tennis season has returned, and the right-handed Goran Ivanisevic is better than ever. Granted, I did trail 1-5 with my wife serving at double match point, but it was all me from that moment forward. I fought back and won that game and then Big Mo came over to my side of the net. Then I finally harnessed the power of my thunderous serve and rolled on to take a 6-5 lead. At 6-5, 40-15, I noticed Bree looking a bit dejected. I said, "Don't worry, it'll all be over after this serve."

"No it won't," she shot back.

I then proceeded to slam home my final ace of the match and walk over to her side with an extremely large grin on my face.



Jason: 1-1
Bree: 1-1

So much for my undefeated season. I blew the lead this time. Argh! Maybe keeping track of wins and losses isn't such a good idea. I should've learned by now that I'm much better at being sneaky-good at things. Once I start to toot my own horn, everything goes to shit. No more Pompous Jason; Inconspicuous Jason is back, and he's in full motherf*ckin' effizect!

A Real Coonass Evening
I went to Jazz Friday night and enjoyed some coonass food and some excellent music. There's something about 'coonass' that makes me want to say it over and over again. Coonass, coonass, coonass, coonass, coonass, coonass, coonass, coonass! That was fun! Now I'm ready to take a little business/personal trip with my wife down to New Orleans to visit one of her fellow department managers that just took a new position at the Folgers plant down there. Sounds like some good times to me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Chuckle of the Day
Thanks to Batesline for pointing out this picture of a sea-going vessel from another country with a very unfortunate name. I'd definitely be wary if I saw this ship coming into port.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Mistadobalina, Mista Bob Dobalina
What's your favorite musical artist nickname? I've always liked Del Tha Funky Homosapien. There's just something about that name. It flows off the tongue well and makes me grin every time I say it. :)

Monday, May 09, 2005
Warning to all the Esthers of the World
If I ever meet you, and you tell me your name is Esther, don't be offended if a brief scowl crosses my face. It's nothing personal. It's just that hearing "Esther" brings back memories of Organic Chemistry and I hate Organic Chemistry!!

Friday, May 06, 2005
My Favorite Pairs of Genes
I never had any younger sisters, but I have been very close to these three young cousins of mine over the years. I rediscovered this picture in my photo album, a.k.a. shoebox full of pictures, the other day.

I hadn't realized how much everyone in my family has grown up until I went to Miranda's eighth grade graduation last weekend. She used to sit on my knee wearing pigtails. Now she's going on to highschool and taking the unsuspecting Kansas country boys by storm. Yikes!

The older I get, the more I realize that I have a truly wonderful extended family. Growing up, I guess I took this for granted. I thought everyone had a family full of kind, loving individuals. Now I realize that such a family is not so easy to come by. I can find many things wrong with my life, but my family is not one of them. For that, I am truly grateful.

I Concur
...The woman makes the man. As much as we love our vile and juvenile ways, we men yearn to be made better by women. Men rise or fall to expectations. We want our woman and marriage to raise us up above our crassness. Men may have built the structures and run the institutions, but when you see a civilization, you see the demands of its women. Sure, men wrote the history books too, so it looks like institutions and structures are paramount, but women build the societies that manifest themselves in such institutions. Victorian standards are offered as a prime example of "woman in chains," but you look at that society--men wearing suits, ties, and hats to work, to the market, to the show. Women in exquisitely complex fashions. Men opening doors, pulling out chairs, not belching at the table. Ask me? Men may have felt themselves in charge, but they weren't. Cut to the present. Women as a political force decide the woman's place is not in the home or the salons, but in the institutions. Women as a political force renounce sex roles. Women at large adopt the dress of men. Men at large regress to the dress of children--ballcaps and T-shirts in church. Do you think women wore corsets for the benefit of men? No. Men will take a woman wearing anything or preferably nothing. The only reason a whole class of women crammed into corsets was so that other women would get jealous and say, "ooh she's so skinny."
...It's probably true that you can't comfortably or reliably change a man to be much "better" than he was on some of your fancier first dates. That's him being the best man he can be. If he didn't bother to primp for you or suppress belches then, he never will. But if he was willing to dress to impress without being hectored, I'd say he's showing what he wants to be. He's hoping to find a woman who will keep him there. I could introduce her to things she's never done, but if it's to become a way of life--she's got to take the reins to make us a classy couple. I'll drop as low as she'll let me, until she complains or I get sick of myself and resent her for letting this happen to me. Those nice places I took her on our first dates? Restaurants, nightclubs, plays, symphonies? Haven't been to those places since. Now I'm hanging out with her pothead friends on a weekly basis and just not caring what I wear to work anymore. Her friends are really nice, really good people, but for them, life finds its meaning in unravelling the mysteries of the universe through arbitrary speculation under the influence of some totally sweet bud.

Sam makes some great observations here, I believe. I definitely fall into this category. Without the occasional inspiration from my wife, I would be a completely worthless being.

If you're looking to be entertained, read the rest of his post. It's funny stuff, indeed!

Thursday, May 05, 2005
It's Not Screaming Infidelities, Or Taking Its Wear, But...
My dog's hair is everywhere!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Somebody Give Me a Record Deal
this is an audio post - click to play

Seriously Now
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Has anyone seen "The Game of Their Lives" yet? Is it any good? I don't think it's at a theater close to my house yet, but I'd like to see it when it gets here. My World Cup history knowledge is fairly limited. I had no idea that the U.S. had beaten England in the 1950 World Cup. That sounds pretty cool to me. I'd like to learn more about that team.

Song o' the Day
"Sometimes I Rhyme Slow" by Nice & Smooth

If you've ever wanted to hear a song rapped to the tune of "Fast Car", by Tracy Chapman, this song is for you!

Deep Thoughts on my Second Wedding Anniversary
I have big fingers. Here's my wedding ring next to a quarter.

I didn't think much about the size of my hands until the other day when I was walking down the hall holding a Pepsi can. I met a girl and she asked me if Pepsi had started selling their products in smaller, say 8 oz., cans. I said no, this is a normal 12 oz. variety. Then I looked at the can in my hand and thought, "Damn, my hands really do make this can look small."

Big hands make palming a basketball very easy, but they make most everything else awkward and clumsy.

Sunday, May 01, 2005
Hercules Bolivia
That should be my alias, according to the Ron Mexico Name Generator. Hey, if Michael Vick can pull off Ron Mexico, I think I could pass for Hercules Bolivia.

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