A Better Version of Me
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Yeah, And I'm One Of'em
Some persons who enjoy statistics will (they do really exist) come up with odds of 1 in 17 billion. Remember that you don't need to match in exact order - we use combinations and not permutations.

Excerpt from Powerball's website that I came across while checking my loser numbers. I know, the odds are horrendous, but hey--"You got to be in it to win it!" I'll probably continue to play the higher jackpots, even if they do make fun of stat geeks on their website.

Saturday, July 29, 2006
Frustrated Incorporated
Saw Clerks II today since my wife is on holiday (she's not much for humor related to lewd and lascivious behavior). Loved it!

Randal cracked me up with his reenactment of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I couldn't agree with him more. I'd take Star Wars over Lord of the Rings any day of the week.

I really gotta get some of Jay's dance moves. That guy rocks.

Oh, and Rosario Dawson looks great in the movie. I couldn't take my eyes off her! Giddy up!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I Had a Dream, I Had an Awesome Dream
Finally, I can be one of those people in the park; playing games in the dark. That's right, I got a Playstation Portable. Woohoo! My first-ever portable game system. I don't know how I managed to miss the whole Game Boy bandwagon, but I never did get one of them.

On another good note, I've also been given the green light by my wife to replace my 20-year-old Honda Spree scooter. So, within the next couple of days I will be bringin' the Ruckus to all you muthaf*ckas.

This new scooter will go much better with my mohawk. I'll take some pics when I get her.

Saturday, July 22, 2006
What He Said
Do Yourself a Favor: Watch Landis

Ole Floyd won the yellow jersey back today and he'll begin the ride into Paris tomorrow with a 30 second lead. Eight straight American winners at Le Tour? That would be great!

Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wookin' Pa Nub In All Da Wong Paces, Wookin' Pa Nub
In the midst of my search to find a favorite English Premier League team to latch on to for the upcoming season, I stumbled upon an excellent article by Bill Simmons. Apparently, he's doing the same search. I was on the verge of going with Arsenal until I read his list of their celebrity fans.

Celebrity Fans: An astonishingly bizarre group that includes Gavin Rossdale, Spike Lee, Hornby, Dido, Johnny Rotten, Roger Waters, Andrew Ridgeley (the other guy from Wham!), Ray Davies, Colin Firth, Will Wheaton, Freddie Prinze Jr., Kevin Costner, Jackie and Joan Collins, Queen Elizabeth, Prince Harry, Fidel Castro, John Gotti, Michael Moore and Osama Bin Laden. Now there's a list you want to avoid.

Yeah, so much for picking them. I do really like their 'kits' though.

My other potential pick was Tottenham Hotspur, and Simmons' description of them really hit home with me.

• American Comparison: As one reader explains, "If the Dodgers had stayed in Brooklyn, they'd be the Spurs."

• Nickname: The Spurs. This is important: You either call then "Tottenham Hotspur" or you call them "the Spurs," but no other option is acceptable.

•In a Nutshell: If London was the Corleone family, Manchester United was Sonny and Arsenal was Michael, then the Spurs would be Fredo with a little more street smarts … the name "Hotspur" comes from the character Henry Hotspur in "Henry IV," so here's a team that really does have a Shakespearean legacy … blessed with a devout fan base in North London that routinely packs the other team's house during road games (a la Sox fans) … if they ever won the Premier League, it would be the American equivalent of the Jets winning the Super Bowl or the Indians winning the World Series.

• Bandwagon Potential: Invitingly low since they haven't finished in the top four since the Premier League launched back in 1993. Plus, as a reader explains, "Way back in the day, other English teams' fans would derisively jeer Tottenham fans, stereotyping them as Jews and calling them just about every anti-Semitic name you could call someone. So, the Hotspurs fans just turned the jeers around, proudly proclaiming themselves a 'Jew Army' and -- despite the fact that most weren't even Jewish -- embraced the imagery wholeheartedly. Just to spit in the face of the racist idiots who misidentified them in the first place." Seriously, how weird is English soccer?

• Celebrity Fans: Steve Nash, Salman Rushdie, Ray Liotta, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Jude Law, the late Bob Marley, Donal Logue, Shania Twain, Baby Spice … and the head of ESPN, John Skipper. On the Sucking Up Scale, picking the Spurs would be a solid 10 out of 10.

• Colors/Jerseys: Traditional white shirts with blue pants, blue jerseys on the road. Does the job.

• Signature Players: Irish striker Robbie Keane (known for his crazy celebrations after goals), 20-year-old wing Aaron Lennon (considered the odds-on favorite to take Beckham's spot on the 2010 World Cup team), midfielder Edgar Davids (a black Dutchman with dreads and tinted goggles). In particular, Lennon looks like a potential Dwyane Wade-type down the road. So that's appealing.

• Unintentional Comedy: They have a Kafka-reading, gigantic Dutchman of a coach named Martin Jol who (A) has brothers named "Cock" and "Dick" (I'm not making this up), and (B) apparently talks just like Goldmember (in the third Austin Powers movie). Now there's someone who needs to be in my life.

• Sponsors: A gambling Web site called Mansion. Good times! This pick is almost becoming a foregone conclusion, right?

• Stadium: A 105-year-old stadium (White Hart Lane) that holds only 36,000 seats … the same number as Fenway Park. Hmmmmmm.

• Vacation Destination: They're based in London, so absolutely.

• Most Hated Rival: Arsenal. And "hated" isn't a strong enough word. As a couple of the readers explained, "[This] dates back to 1919 when Arsenal was promoted to the top division ahead of Spurs under the shadiest of circumstances. So they have an 87-year rivalry made worse by the fact that their stadiums are only a few miles apart. The equivalent of having Fenway Park and Yankee Stadium at opposite ends of Charlestown. Surpasses Yankees/Sox, Leafs/Habs, etc. There has been blood spilled between fans, not to mention the hatred started because of a corrupt Arsenal president. Add to that the fact that last season Spurs finished underneath Arsenal by two points because of a case of violent stomach flu, conspiracy theorists claiming that Arsenal fans poisoned the team's food at a hotel party prior to the final game of the season. Not even Aaron Spelling could come up with that plot line. It would have been the first time in years that they had finished above their North London rivals. What's not to love?"

(By the way, the food poisoning story DID happen -- it was the biggest EPL subplot of last year. Can you imagine if the Mavs had lost Game 7 in San Antonio because most of the team came down with food poisoning from their hotel food the night before the game? Cuban would still be blogging about it two months later. I'm telling you, crazy, crazy, CRAZY stuff happens in the EPL.)

(Bonus reason to pick them: They finished fifth last season and are considered the proverbial "Team on the Rise," but they haven't actually done anything yet and perhaps never will. Now that's tempting.)

• Single Best Reason NOT to Pick Them: One reader writers, "If you want a team that will absolutely crush your spirit, you must support Tottenham Hotspur for the '06-'07 EPL season."

I love it! I shall look no further. The Spurs are my team. You can count me in as the newest member of the 'Jew Army.' Let the games begin!

Don't Call It A Comeback
Floyd Landis put on a show today in the Tour de France. He faded fast from the top spot yesterday; finishing over eight minutes out of the lead. However, today he showed that he's still a force to be reckoned with by winning the stage in a major way. He's now only 30 seconds behind the leader. Wow!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006
So Fresh and So Klinsmann?
Now that Bruce Arena will not be back as the United States' soccer coach, I'm left to ponder who the next manager will be. I think Juergen Klinsmann would be a great choice, but so far he is claiming to have no interest in the position since resigning from the German squad. Maybe he'll change his mind.

I don't know much about potential coaches besides Klinsmann. As long as we hire someone who doesn't have such a crush on Landon Donovan, I'll be happy.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Get This
We have a cleaning lady now and my wife insists that we 'clean up the house a bit' before she comes over. Isn't that what the cleaning lady is getting paid to do? Clean? There are some things in this world that I just don't get.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006
What's Your Fantasy?
I've grown a bit tired of constantly dominating NFL fantasy football. I feel like I could sleepwalk through the draft in a couple months and still field a championship-caliber team. I just know too damn much about the NFL. I need a new challenge. Therefore, I've decided to try my luck at English Premier League fantasy football. Yes, fantasy soccer for those of you who don't know better.

The league I've signed up for is a salary cap league. Basically, every player is assigned a value in pounds and you are given 100 million pounds to field a team of 15 players (11 starters and 4 reserves). I played in a baseball league like this once. It's not quite as fun as a draft league, but it'll do. The best part about this kind of league is trying to 'buy low' and 'sell high.' At the beginning, you can't afford to field an entire team of studs--the proven players cost way too much. You have to choose a couple stalwarts and surround them with several players who possess massive upside potential. Then, if you're lucky, several of your 'potential stars' will have a strong start to the season. This will cause their respective values to increase significantly; allowing you to sell them and by some proven studs get you through the rest of the year in a dominating fashion. Fun stuff, huh? I sure think so.

Anyway, here's my current lineup:

Tim Howard, Everton, 5 million pounds
Dean Kiely, Portsmouth, 4 million pounds

John Terry, Chelsea, 8 million pounds
Wes Brown, Manchester United, 6 million pounds
Michael Dawson, Tottenham Hotspur, 5.5 million pounds
Lucas Neill, Blackburn, 5 million pounds
Liam Rosenior, Fulham, 4 million pounds

Tomas Rosicky, Arsenal, 9 million pounds
Aaron Lennon, Tottenham Hotspur, 7.5 million pounds
Steven Davis, Aston Villa, 6.5 million pounds
Ashley Young, Watford, 6 million pounds
Lee Cattermole, Middlesbrough, 5.5 million pounds

Thierry Henry, Arsenal, 14 million pounds
Dimitar Berbatov, Tottenham Hotspur, 8 million pounds
Ricardo Vaz Te, Bolton Wanderers, 6 million pounds

I actually accomplished the perfect pump. 100 million pounds exactly! Hopefully I'll get an excellent return on my investment.

These Englishmen in my league had better watch out! This yankee means business!

Sunday, July 09, 2006
Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish guy! Help me Tom Cruise!

I heart Will Ferrell and I can't hardly wait to see his new movie.

Friday, July 07, 2006
I Did Not Know This Was The Quiddich World Cup

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