A Better Version of Me
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Pink, It's Like Red But Not Quite
What's with all the hubbub over the University of Iowa's pink locker room?

I don't know why such a ruckus has been raised. I think the color pink makes anyone feel pretty and dainty. I seriously doubt Hayden Fry painted the locker room pink to defame women in any way. Pink's simply a pretty color that might make the opposition's desire to steamroll the Hawkeyes lessen somewhat. Shit, I'd rather play against a team coming out of a pink locker room after listening to some Tiny Tim than go up against a team fresh out of a black locker room that had Rage Against The Machine blasting.

What's next? Do we make the Mary Kay ladies paint their cars black and adorn them with skulls and crossbones to prove their toughness? Hell no. Skulls don't make you want to buy make-up. Pink does, because it makes you feel pretty and happy and just makes you want to hug and kiss everyone you meet.

I don't think this has anything to do with gender roles but I could be wrong. I am just a stupid white male afterall. Ladies, please feel free to enlighten me on this subject if you so desire.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I'm Lovin' Me Some White Stripes
I recently purchased the White Stripes' latest album, 'Get Behind Me Satan,' and it rocks. I got 'White Blood Cells' a few years ago and have always enjoyed it, but this new album really takes the cake. Jack plays the piano in most of the new songs and I'm really diggin' it. He pounds the keys, Meg thumps the kick drum, and I slap my thumbs madly against the steering wheel. I highly recommend this album. It's almost as cool as sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.

Friday, September 23, 2005
Bills, Bills, Bills
I love those throwback jerseys that Buffalo has worn for the first two weeks of the NFL season.

They look much better than these putrid things.

I think the Bills would be wise to switch to these jerseys-of-old fulltime. They are cool as ice!

As for J.P. Losman's hair...

...well, I'm not expert-enough to recommend a solution to that mess.

Thursday, September 15, 2005
I Have A Small Problem
I have Larry Johnson on my fanstasy team sans Priest Holmes. I didn't start him last week and he proceeded to run amuck amongst the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. I'm sure that once I do decide to start him, Priest will get all the stats. Argh! I think I'll sit LJ one more week and see how things go against the Silver & Black.

By the way, here's the rest of my roster for those who care.

QB: Daunte Culpepper, Kyle Boller
RB: Corey Dillon, Steven Jackson, Warrick Dunn, Larry Johnson, Lee Suggs
WR: Steve Smith, Larry Fitzgerald, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Lee Evans
TE: L.J. Smith, Ben Troupe
K: Paul Edinger, Mike "Cat Scratch Fever" Nugent
Def: Denver, Jacksonville

Wish my Tonganoxie Terrors luck. We lost by one point in week one, thanks to some horrendous play from CPep and my brilliant decision to bench LJ and Fitzgerald. D'oh!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
How To Earn Points With Your Wife
When an unruly fan accosts you at a Kansas State v. Marshall football game in West Virginia by saying, "Nice shirt. Only faggots wear purple.", stay calm.

Politely turn to said offensive gentleman and say, "Would you like to come a little closer and repeat what you just said?"

Then, when the tough guy thinks he's calling your bluff and turns his back on you, stop, turn around, and head back to join Mr. Rude's party. When you're behind him, give him a gentle tap on the shoulder. As he turns around, just smile, give him a big hug, shake his hand and say, "Gay guys like me need a good, manly hug every now and then." That'll shut him up.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I Spent Labor Day in Palmer, KS
Every year my parents' hometown, Palmer, KS, holds a Labor Day celebration. When I was much younger, the festivities overflowed. However, the recent celebrations have paled in comparison to earlier events. This small town of about 100 people has lost its steam, literally. The railroad tore up the tracks that went through town a couple years ago. Now all the grain from the elevator must be hauled by trucks. The population of Palmer continues to grow older and all the youngsters move out as soon as they can. I don't know how much longer this place can persist. So, Bree and I went to Palmer on Monday to take in another Labor Day. Despite the lost luster of this special day, we still had a good time. Plus, I got to see many relatives that I hadn't seen in awhile.

We spent quite a bit of time at Palmer Lumber & Hardware playing games. My uncle owns the place and he sets up many home made games for the kids to play for a quarter a pop. Each game offers a chance to win coupons, which can be redeemed for prizes. The children love this!

Here's Bill, my uncle, running my favorite game, skeeball. This game also offered the best opportunity to win massive quantities of coupons!

This is my cousin Natalie, keeping an eye on the putt-putt green.

Natalie's sister, Miranda, giving out prizes and showing off her autographed Nicole Ohlde (another relative of mine, other side of the family) jersey.

We also saw some really cool antique farm equipment. Check it out!

Bree liked the red Farmall.

I took a likin' to the orange glow of the Allis-Chalmers.

Can't forget John Deere!

I guess combines weren't always self-propelled.

Even road graders used to be towed. Ain't that old Caterpiller neat?

That's all, folks!

Saturday, September 03, 2005
Why Do So Many Dollar General Workers Have Summer Teeth?
Summer there.
Summer missin'.

Thursday, September 01, 2005
Why Couldn't It Have Been Called Hurricane Tina?
We could have survived that one without supplying an A-R-K.

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